A Scrunchy on a Doorknob: A Guide To Sexile Etiquette

22 Mar

As a Jew I am no stranger to leaving my homeland.  But 40 years in the desert could not prepare me for this new form, far more awkward than any Spanish Inquisition.  I’m talking about sexile.  In case you’ve been living under a rock, (or in a single,) to sexile is to banish your roommate from your shared dorm for the purpose of engaging in sexual activity.  Sexiling is an epidemic, and while our parents’ generation sees it as unforgivable, most college students consider it just part of the experience.  It also seems like a fairly common occurrence; just saying the word “sexile” seemed to bring on nostalgia for many of the undergrads I talked to.

One thing to know is that different dorms have different rules.  An older double? Thicker walls and only one roommate to coordinate.  A quad suite?  More people to coordinate with, but a separate bedroom. All sexually active roommates need to have some sort of discussion about sexile protocol, and stick to it.

But what if the protocol isn’t working for everyone?  You want to be warned hours in advance but your roommate keeps waking you up with her top bunk rocking.  If you and your roommates are having sexile drama, here are three steps that, if taken, should help keep the peace:

Step one is the forewarning step.  Whether by text, Facebook message or carrier pigeon, alert your roommate to the fact that you hope to have the room to yourself within the next hour or two (NOTE: if it is a weekday you should probably give them more advance warning so that they can collect their books and spend their sexiled time in the library.) If the signal is loud music, don’t fall asleep with your iTunes blasting.  If it’s sending a text, make sure it goes through, and if it’s smoke signals… good luck.

The second step is what I call the “scrunchy” step.  A scrunchy on the doorknob, a discreet sign on the whiteboard, a post it taped to the door—whatever it is, work out a signal with your roommate that sends the message, ‘getting lucky and you’re not invited’.

The third step is the wrap up sign.  Text or call your roommate telling them when the rooms available, and make sure to sound very grateful.

Respect peoples’ boundaries and their freedoms.  Discussing these situations beforehand will help keep you and your roommate out of any unpleasant situations.  And if you want to make it official you can buy a Sexile Roommate Contract on BustedTees.com for $8.99.

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